Evolving on Equality - It Does Get Better

This past week, the political world was abuzz with the news that the Obama Administration has finally decided its position on the rights of gays and now supports their right to be treated exactly the same as everyone else. Not surprisingly their political opponents have taken a diametrically opposite position, underscored by a lopsided vote in North Carolina to amend their state constitution to deny homosexuals their rights to equality. They have also suggested that the President may have been trapped into this position by the premature admissions of Vice President Biden or that this was just a cynical ploy to mollify their wealthy day donors.

Cynicism is nothing new in politics, and usually is the safer bet on underlying motives. But one cannot have it both ways. President Obama is accused, with some justification, of flipfloping on the issue, dating back to a 1996 statement in favor of equality followed by a more conservative stance as he moved into the limelight, but is also  accused simultaneously of Machiavellian duplicity while being caught unawares by Biden's public statements. The reality is likely more mundane, a case of the President being caught somewhat by surprise but when faced with a clear choice, going with his better instincts and choosing liberal belief in equality over outdated fears and prejudices.

No one, save the President and perhaps his closest confidants can answer truly to his motives. But his words are instructive. And I can understand the ambivalence of a liberal on the subject, prey as I am to my own doubts and questions. On a purely rational level, my mind understands the absolute right of any two consenting adults to marry, and I can easily understand that a stable and loving home is the important requirement in raising children, not the gender of the parents. Judged purely as a matter of rights and equality, there is simply no debate, and as an agnostic atheist, religious mores do not constrain my views in any way. But while the rational part of my brain may be accepting, the visceral reaction, the emotional response to the sight of two men kissing is far less liberal. I'm ashamed to admit that deep down, my more conservative upbringing can still trump the liberal views developed later and in  a more thoughtful way, and in that respect, I think both President Obama and Vice President Biden are far ahead of me.

It is not comfortable to know that I cannot live up to the ideals I espouse and that I know to be right. I know that gays have the same rights as I or any other person, that to deny them a right we take for granted, the right to affirm their love and commitment to their partner is unjust and indefensible. But all knowledge in the world cannot overcome a powerful feeling of unease or discomfort when faced with the actual case. The discomfort is obviously irrational - after all, I feel absolutely no unease in the sight of two attractive women kissing, and I'd venture to say that given the success of such porn movies as "Where the Boys Aren't" a very large number of American men, including a majority of frat brothers and some red-blooded conservative, share my comfort level with lesbian sex as voyeuristic pleasure. If Portia di Rossi was the face of the campaign for equality, instead of Elton John or Andrew Sullivan, it would be comparatively easy to put aside the doubts and wholeheartedly endorse gay marriage. But life is messier than Hallmark cards, and people come in all shapes and sizes and they all deserve the same rights, irrespective of their resemblance to the covers of Vogue.

President Obama made a telling comment when he talked about his views evolving as he saw openly gay people working on his staff and that influenced his feelings, especially his comfort with them. Just a few decades ago, the blink of an eye in human history, people were as uncomfortable with interracial relationships. It was only as personal contact with people of different races grew that the prejudices fell away. One can see the same process at work again, as we are exposed to more homosexuals and we see that they are really just like us, and that this old world of ours will keep on turning just the same the day after we evolve to a more enlightened state. Vice President Biden by embracing his better self has proved that deep rooted prejudices can be overcome once we open our eyes and our minds, President Obama may have had less distance to travel ideologically  than his deputy, but has shown that not only is it possible to have a deep gulf between what one knows to be right and what one can comfortably accept as right and normal - I can only hope that I can grow as well as they have. And for all those who like I are conflicted between the reactions of mind and heart, or those who still cling to their fears and prejudices, it may help to realize that this is ultimately not about us granting gays their rights to be treated equally - that is going to happen - but about us having the courage to grow and evolve to a higher, freer and better place. It does get better, but not just for gays facing persecution, but for all of us.